Grouse Dance

It was a period of my life when I could not sleep. My stomach churned with grief. One night, I did fall into a fit full sleep. I had a dream. I was walking down the alley of my youth, on my way to my first grade classroom, by way of my Grandfather's house. There was a tiny pasture adjoining his yard. The sky, the air, the thick green grass was fresh from my six year old memories. Suddenly, there appeared a grouse in the pasture. It started to dance. I stopped and stared in awe. Being impatient and too hard driven, I started walking onward, never taking my eye off the dancing grouse. It danced parallel with me. We went on that way, my heart beating as thin as a vapor. That grouse met up with another grouse and he passed the torch of dancing with me onto him. I met four grouse in all on my way to grandpa's house.

Suddenly, I felt light as a feather with happiness. To think a wild thing like a grouse would even notice me. Let alone look into my heart and decide to help me. And then to think that that grouse was met by another who cold see into its heart and say, Please brother, let me help in this noble cause. I nearly cried from the burden of deserving such tenderness.

So I looked ahead. And there was grandpa's house. The sycamores, the root cellar, the well, the wood shed, the front porch of life that met the great depression on bad terms and survived. Then there was the cinder driveway that hadn't known his car years before I was born. Near is stood the grandest walnut tree in town. I looked up at it, as I always have. Today, waterfalls were cascading down through the limbs of summer leaves.

All of my senses and focus was upon that most profound question of any age, "What's the source?" My eyes landed on each marvel of each waterfall's source until I found myself looking into the sky. And there I was confronted with a sight that caused me to forget my purpose.

The sky was as black as perfection. The stars were so bright, I was like a deer in headlights. As I stared slack jawed I noticed that sometimes a lightening bolt would shoot from one star to another. So many were doing it that it first appeared to be random. Then I saw that they were talking to each other. And then I knew they were speaking to my life, outside of this dream, "Greg, we gave you so many gifts; what happened to you?"

I awoke in sobs of shame. And I fell into the first restful sleep in days.

I awoke feeling great. The dream came back to me with my first breath of awareness. I felt deeply touched. I thought, wow, even the stars know how hard it is to remain human on earth, and they give each and every life careful consideration and bestow gifts that will help us each on our path in this world.

It helped. I began sleeping again, and my stomach settled into the routine of hunger management.

Lately, I've been hearing the night sky again. At night, I go out and look up. I can feel their concern for me. But I wake up to the light of day and go about my business of 'cause and effect'.

I'm aware that heaven is out there, beyond the sun shine. It's in that light of worldly navigation that I answer the stars. They speak in lightening. My voice struggles against the gravity of the great needs and geography of this land.